I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
God, I missed his penis.
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