I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
