Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
