I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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