You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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