Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
