I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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