Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so that wasnt chicken after all
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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