i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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