I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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