Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
