you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
