He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
