if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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