her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
