Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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