I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
