At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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