I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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