mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
