kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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