Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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