Pappa wants mamma naked
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
