Define "chronic" masturbator.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
