HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
