Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
