Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
