So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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