i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
