ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
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Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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