You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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