I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
