I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
