Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
