I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
