i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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