yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
