he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
