I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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