why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize