I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
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I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I can't put those talents on a resume
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I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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