Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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