yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
