He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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