so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
