I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I did not marry a roomba.
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