His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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