By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize