I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
