Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the knife in your bed.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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