All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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