Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
