Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
