fuck your aforementioned shoe
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
