hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.