guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Randomize
