i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...