o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
