Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago