Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?