Texts From Last Night

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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.

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  (601): I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk. http://tfl.nu/k978
  Replies (13) Good night (3676) Bad night (1114)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.

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  (409): First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance. http://tfl.nu/3lur
  Replies (32) Good night (9635) Bad night (1989)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.

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  (586): he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great. http://tfl.nu/bqct
  Replies (12) Good night (1441) Bad night (3358)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people

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  (231): the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people http://tfl.nu/9os5
  Replies (12) Good night (3992) Bad night (1279)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house

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  (717): Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house http://tfl.nu/sze6
  Replies (16) Good night (1866) Bad night (2608)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte

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  (845): I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte http://tfl.nu/yyhp
  Replies (3) Good night (1175) Bad night (594)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"

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  (304): He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to" http://tfl.nu/krok
  Replies (4) Good night (1495) Bad night (539)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!

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  (917): SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME! http://tfl.nu/punt
  Replies (6) Good night (2084) Bad night (937)
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  (276): View more from Virginia

  Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish

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  (276): Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish http://tfl.nu/p7ll
  Replies (2) Good night (365) Bad night (613)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU

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  (860): I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU http://tfl.nu/1s1y
  Replies (3) Good night (774) Bad night (353)
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  (681): View more from West Virginia

  I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion

  (743): View more from

  It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you

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  (681): I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion (743): It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you http://tfl.nu/rspk
  Replies (3) Good night (1081) Bad night (316)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?

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  (804): I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day? http://tfl.nu/ul99
  Replies (2) Good night (1175) Bad night (278)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.

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  (773): I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move. http://tfl.nu/qg2k
  Replies (6) Good night (864) Bad night (214)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.

  (1-305): View more from Florida

  Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?

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  (305): He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire. (1-305): Are you fucking a guy or a condo building? http://tfl.nu/f6au
  Replies (4) Good night (1448) Bad night (246)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low

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  (781): Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low http://tfl.nu/5e2c
  Replies (2) Good night (232) Bad night (357)

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