A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
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I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
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Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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