I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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