you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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