Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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