$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
