1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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