accomplished twins. life is a go
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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